Archive for the ‘Cricket’ Category

The season of mellow fruitfulness brings with it the usual autumnal pleasures – the leaves begin to fade, fruit is ripe on the tree and, best of all, there is no more standing in funny clothing in the parks of south Yorkshire and north Derbyshire; ok, maybe Stuart Scoffins will continue, but his case does come before the magistrates next week.

A youthful Tideswell team travelled to Youlgreave for their traditional end of season fixture. Well, most of the team travelled there; some decided that the magic of the country lanes was too distracting, others that the pub was too compelling and some began to realise that getting instructions from Taylor late at night while he was in the Copacabana nightclub* in West Street may not have been the best of plans; still the Chesterfield one way system is always a delight. Compounding the geographical issues was the usual end of season domestic stuff – “Oh, sorry..the wife had burnt/put away/given to Oxfam my kit”.

I’ve no idea who won the toss, but the the six Tideswell players who had managed to make it were put into the field. The skies were grey, overcast and there was the ever present threat of rain. There was also the ever present threat of Tideswell getting a good beating, but more of that later. The fielding was sharp, with Dave “the Cat”Frenkel proving that being stabled with Sir Henry Cecil is beginning to pay off; obviously we’re all disappointed he’s not running in the Prix d’Arc, but we look forward to the Champion Stakes. The slip cordon was as tight as ever, with Chris Pashley exuding the quiet confidence of a man who can’t quite remember where he left his cravat that morning.

Slowly and imperceptibly something odd began to happen. More players emerged, John Carpenter like, from the mist; and, more oddly, competency began to take over. Richard Taylor bowled consistently fast on and just outside off stump and took a deserved wicket; it’s OK Richard, I expect to get some feeling back in my fingers by the middle of next week. Greg Taylor bowled excellently, and Martin Sommerton was on a hat-trick at one point. With most teams, the hat-trick ball would be a time for concentration and focus. Sadly, with this side it appears an excuse for shouting, hand-clapping and demonstrations of minor forms of Tourette Syndrome; if you imagine Travis Bickle joining Sergeant Wilson and the cast of “Dad’s Army” in close to the wicket positions, you get some idea of the transformation that takes place. Oh….we won’t even mention the ruthless internal competition for places in the batting/bowling/fielding competitions. Having said that, the fielding was excellent, with Rooke taking a high, difficult chance at mid-on and Waining taking two at short-extra.

The bowling figures are below, and the careful reader will notice a wicket for the Cat; he really is managing to get one to spin from the back of the forelock.

G.Taylor 6 Overs/2 Maidens/10 Runs /1 Wicket

R.Taylor 6/1/14/1

M.Jellis 6/2/18/1

M.Sommerton 6/1/14/2

G. Brown 3/1/5/0

M.Sayers 4/3/1/0

C.Pashley 2/1/1/0

B. Rooke 4/3/1/1

D,Waining 2/0/10/0

D.Frenkel 1/0/2/1

Dismissing Youlgreave for 79, the Tideswell batsman were keen to get out to bat. They were especially keen once the Cat had started telling a joke; it’s unfair, but I suppose one can tell a joke is not  from the cutting edge of comedy when it begins, “Duo homines ambulantes in thermopolium..”Much discussion was had on whether Mike’s finger was warm and the youthful pair of Frenkel and Pashley strode out to bat; the run chase was clearly on. Not, however, for very long. The tea-interval had been extended by the weather, and four overs into the Tideswell innings heavy rain arrived. Pashley had holed out at mid-wicket and the Tideswell scoring ended at 5-1.

So, that’s it for another season. All we have left is memories, bruises and simmering resentment about various dropped catches/run-outs/LBW decisions. So, just to stoke the fires, here’s a team photograph:


(* the Copacabana Nightclub; West Street, Sheffield S1. Every Thursday is Grab-A -Granny Night  oops, Mature Singles Night. Free admission before 2230, cheap drinks. The Copacabana Night Club is pleased to sponsor Greg Taylor of Tideswell CC.)


***Press Release**For Immediate Release**Press Release***

Ken “Colander” Coker announced yesterday he will not be available for Tideswell CC’s opening fixture in their 2012 campaign. The 53 year-old keeper made public the shock news via his probation officer  agent yesterday. He said:

“I’ve had a fabulous winter in the Delhi Nights – just off the Eccleshall Road; great food, good service and a free pint of lager if you show a Tideswell CC fixture card – and I’m looking forward to moving on with Tideswell in the forthcoming season. However, such is the pressure of top level cricket these days, that I’ve opted to run the London Marathon on April 22 for Clic Sargent rather than spend five hours standing around in a muddy field just outside Manchester.”

Colander Finally Gets Something to Stick in the Delhi Knights

Colander Finally Gets Something to Stick in the Delhi Knights

Stunned team mates were too shocked to give full statements, but his spinning ally Mike “Rumple” Sayers commented: “Keep wicket? He couldn’t keep chickens…”

Skipper Dave “Bomber” Waining was unavailable for comment, but is thought to be resting in a darkened room with a revolver, a glass of whisky and a stick of rhubarb.

If you want to sponsor the Mighty Colander, you can do so here: Ken Coker VLM 2012